Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
