the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
