If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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