At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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