Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
