I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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