Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
