It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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