i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
