Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
