I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
