well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
