Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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