Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
