His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
