First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
