I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
