I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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