he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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