to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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