no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize