The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im holly from the hills drunk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
