How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
