there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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