I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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