I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
