Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
