Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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