Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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