id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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