we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
