Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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