please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
