I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
