hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
