oh god the rape fog is back!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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