Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A bitchslap is in order.
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