SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
