My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
