i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
