There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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