The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
