i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
