I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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