Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
