this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
