All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
