Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
