All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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