I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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