It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
