first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
