The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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