You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
