Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
