WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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