Pappa wants mamma naked
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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