we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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