The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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