am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
