Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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