well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
