Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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