We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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