would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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