I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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