If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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