just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
