I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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