I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
