New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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