I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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