Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize