It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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