She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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