I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
